I struggled with feelings of worthlessness and depression pretty much my whole life. And was raised in a church home, but walked away from the church at a very early age. Also at a very early age got involved in drug usage— abuse, drug abuse. And got out of that, but you know still struggled with other addictions. And just up unto my thirties, when so many things finally fell into place that told me there is only one place to look for hope— and that was through Christ. I always have felt worthless and struggled at times with thoughts of suicide. It dawned on me one day that everything that I had disliked about religion, or the church, or everything had nothing to do with the word of God. It had to do with people who are flawed, all of us, myself included. That was very freeing.
Just the other day, I was having a very bad day. A lot of the things from the past were just swirling through my mind. I said I’ve got to sit down and focus and concentrate and pray. Sat down in the word and the first thing, the first verse that was there was the words of Jesus saying my grace is sufficient for you. After a week of saying what’s going on, as to why are things not getting not getting better, I opened that and just opened it. Didn’t look for anything specifically, and it just reminded me again and again that that’s where I need to go. When things are tough, I need to go to the word of God. You try to rely on yourself and you can’t do it. It will wear you out. And I still do it, even knowing what I know, but I still go to the word, and it reminds me every time that His grace is sufficient.
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