This article is adapted from our Keys for Living book,
Verbal & Emotional Abuse: Victory Over the Power of Abuse
If you’ve heard constant, cruel and condemning messages from your parents, spouse, partner, boss, or anyone close to you … you might have come to believe those messages over time. Perhaps you’ve come to believe that you are unworthy, unlovable, or not “good enough.”
Underneath much of our struggles are lies we believe about ourselves, others, our situation, and about God. These lies are often connected with a sense of guilt and shame, and they can negatively impact our behavior, decisions, and relationships.
But know this: No matter what harsh words you’ve been told, abuse does not have the final word about you – God does. His Word speaks of His boundless love for you and the life-changing identity you have in Christ.
Healing and transformation can occur when you begin to see yourself through God’s eyes, believing what He says about you. Therefore, it is important to identify the lies you’ve been led to believe and replace them with God’s truth.
“Teach me your way, O Lord,
that I may walk in your truth.”
How to Replace the Lies of Abuse with the Truth of God’s Word
Lie: “I’m worthless. I don’t matter.”
Truth: You matter to God. You have God-given worth because He created you, and that worth can never be taken from you. You are precious in God’s sight.
“You are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you” (Isaiah 43:4 NLT).
Lie: “No one will ever accept me.”
Truth: The Lord chose you, accepts you, and will never reject you.
“I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:9–10).
Lie: “I am unlovable.”
Truth: God loves you, and nothing can separate you from His love.
“Nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow – not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love” (Romans 8:38 NLT).
Lie: “I deserve to be abused – it’s my fault.”
Truth: No one deserves to be abused – no one. Each person is responsible for their own actions.
“For we are each responsible for our own conduct” (Galatians 6:5 NLT).
Lie: “There is no hope for me.”
Truth: No matter how deep the pain, with God, there is always hope for healing and transformation.
“There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off” (Proverbs 23:18).
Lie: “God doesn’t care about me.”
Truth: God cares deeply about you and wants you to come to Him with your burdens.
“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you” (1 Peter 5:7 NLT).
Lie: “God is disappointed in me. He wants nothing to do with me.”
Truth: God has compassion for you – He is with you and desires a close relationship with you.
“The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made. … The Lord is near to all who call on him” (Psalm 145:8–9, 18).
You may have been led to believe other lies. As an exercise, write them down and then look in God’s Word to discover a passage or a truth that can speak directly to that lie. God wants you to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). Over time, as you replace the lies with God’s truth, you will be transformed and healed by His Word.
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is –
his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Helpful Resources on Verbal & Emotional Abuse
Verbal & Emotional Abuse Video Course
It’s not okay when someone treats you (and your loved ones) like you don’t matter. You do! This video course on Verbal & Emotional Abuse is great for personal growth and healing and for learning how to help others who’ve been hurt by abuse.
Keys for Living Book
This book on Verbal & Emotional Abuse provides biblical insights, helpful stories, and practical guidance on how to heal from past pain, establish boundaries in your relationships, and find victory over verbal and emotional abuse.
Find a Counselor
For those local to North Texas (DFW area) – visit our HopeWorks Counseling page and find a licensed professional counselor near you. HopeWorks provides in-person counseling and teletherapy on a variety of issues for individuals (adults or children), couples, and families.
Help Others Hurt by Abuse
Our 10-session video course on biblical caregiving shows how to come alongside and encourage those who are hurting and broken. This online ministry training provides biblical insights, practical exercises, case studies, and professional instruction so you can become a better people helper.